


Ikea furniture turns me on

by Vincent Wheatley (MyNose)



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Crack, Dom/sub Undertones, Fluff, Humor, Lance is almost 18, M/M, Smut, Threesome - M/M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-30
Updated: 2019-01-30
Packaged: 2019-10-19 05:12:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,551
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17595239
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MyNose/pseuds/Vincent%20Wheatley
Summary: Collection of oneshots about threesomes going wrong.





	1. Chapter 1

 

"No."

 

"Dude, come on-"

 

"I said No!"

"Fuck-"

"No, you basket-weaving lunatic! That is **not** going inside me!" 

Lance shrieked and flailed around in Lotor's arms, hiding his fearful face in his protector's warm chest. Their purple lover chuckled darkly and kissed the brunet. "You better back off, red. He's serious."

Keith sighed in defeat. So it was going to be one of those nights. Where he would sit on the sidelines, because Lance was nervous. He would never get past innocent touches above the belt with Lance. They all knew it was the size that intimidated him. So on nights like that, Lotor would take the reigns and would passionately fuck Lance five times stupid. But it was **his** night to make their smallest lover feel good.

Keith was jealous. Lotor was the dominant of the triad and so that meant he was obligated to everything; including Lance, who was their submissive. Keith was the switch and it was not allowed for him to top Lance. Or maybe he had to wait till the brunet turned eighteen. He knew he should not feel this way, but he was obviously left out. Violet eyes turned in thought and with the idea in mind, the raven padded out of the bedroom.

 

Lance peered up at the Galra prince, feeling guilty. "I keep pissing him off, I don't blame him for dumping me-" Lotor gently shushed him and pulled the brunet closer. "Keith has a hard time learning from past mistakes, yes. But he is also capable of adapting and using his resources." Gold eyes became stern. The Galra prince hated it when Lance would blame himself. "Do not doubt our love for you, Lance. Trust me, when I say I have a feeling he will blow our minds tonight."

The brunet smiled, leaned up, and kissed along Lotor's clavicle. The Galra prince leaned back against the headboard and pulled the blankets to cover the two of them. His large hand began stroking Lance's length, their small lover whimpering, he was being prepared for Keith. He did deserve a night, after all.

Just then, Keith strutted back into the bedroom, with an air of renewed confidence and sat aside his cuddling lovers. "And what were you doing, red? We were getting worried." Lotor mused and stroked Lance harder. The raven rolled his eyes and smirked, "I was measuring."

A white brow lifted in confusion and Keith elaborated, "so the problem tonight, is my anaconda-sized dick. And I went looking for a substitute." The Galra prince seemed to know what kind of 'substitute' the raven was talking about. "Ah, so you brought back one of the didlos, right?"

Keith stared dumbly at his lovers. 

"Fuck no."

Lotor's ministrations stopped and the brunet whined at the loss of contact. He whispered a _'just a second, love.'_ "Will you just tell us, what you brought back?" God this was not show and tell. The raven huffed and tossed a long black whatever onto the sheets. "Ta-da! I brought back the answer to our problem, guys." Keith grinned.

And then there was silence.

 

"Keith?" Lotor interrogated softly.

 

"Yes?"

 

"Isn't that the leg to that black Ikea chair, I was putting together?"

 

"Yeah."

 

"...you were going to stick a chair leg up Lance's arse? Weren't you?" Gold eyes narrowed and held the stupefied brunet even closer.

 

"Well when you put it that way...aw shit." Keith muttered. He saw the scowl on Lotor's face and the terrified expression on Lance's face. Oh he fucked up.

 

"Red, you are grounded from all bedroom activities for the next two weeks. Am I clear?" The Galra prince hissed.

 

"...yes sir." Keith gritted out.

-


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The couch is from Ikea. Also cooking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Ьтш)
> 
> This is big gay =v=

 

The brunet held an icepack to his nose. Because life is beautiful in many ways; with its stupendous surprises. For Lance, his surprise, in life, was taking a flip flop to the face.

 _Thanks Veronica, you're a real pal._ He seriously was in deep trouble right now. And today was an important day, indeed. It was the day, he and his two boyfriends would hang out at his house. Lance could not afford to look like a clown in front of the second most important people to him. Family is most important, no questions asked.

But his sister, Veronica, knocked his ass out with a fucking foam sandal! 

The brunet was out for several hours and in that time, he did not have time to prepare dinner.

His boyfriends would be over in fifteen minutes. Blue eyes nearly ejected out of his skull. He couldn't even get his own pants on in fifteen minutes. God he was so screwed. Or if things actually go well, then he'll get screwed later.

Lance sat up off the couch and yeeted the icepack elsewhere. He can improvise.

The brunet cracked his knuckles and stormed to the fridge, nearly tearing the door off in the process. His mother would always cook for them when he was a child. So of course her skills rubbed off on him. Plus, he binge watches Food Network like everyday.

-

Fifteen minutes passed by rather quickly. And he just now finally realized, that his fridge was empty. Lance literally stood there all that time staring intently at the fridge, like it was an art exhibit. There was even a to-do list on the counter, saying:

**-Get groceries.**

The ink was still fresh as a spring breeze.  ~~He wrote it before the shoe to the face incident.~~

"Aw crap," he pouted, "what am I going to do?" He was the only one out of his boyfriends, who knew how to cook. Keith could open a poptart wrapper and Lotor knew how to burn water.

To add salt to the wound, there was a knock at the door.

Lance pounded the counter in frustration. But he eased his features to a more pleasant one and strode to the front door.

Opening it, he was greeted with a shivering, angry raven and a smirking Galra prince.

"Well hello, guys. I wasn't expecting the two of you." Lance grinned.

"Let us in, please! God im freezing my ass out here!" Keith complained and let himself inside, with Lotor following suit.

The white haired man kissed the brunet's forehead and shed his armor. "It's good to see you, love," he purred, "red is also glad to be here, aren't you?" The raven hung up his coat and pulled Lance into a hug. "He's so warm!" Keith rejoiced.

The brunet blushed.

Gold eyes narrowed and large hands gently cupped tan cheeks. "Love, care to tell us why is there a nasty bruise on your precious face?" He prodded worriedly. With no immediate answer, he tensed. "Who did this?" Lotor nearly seethed. The raven studied Lance's shocked expression.

"It was from that pink flip flop," he sputtered and pointed to the source of his boyfriend's anger. Keith was like  _dafuq?_

"Earlier, me and my sister were playing dodgeball with our neice and nephew. And Veronica got cocky and threw the shoe too hard. But she apologized, so it's good." Lance explained in a frenzy.

The raven rolled his eyes and elbowed the Galra prince. "Babe, no need to jump to conclusions, our Lance is a-okay, now let's chow down." Lotor visibly untensed and they made their way to the dining room.

"Hey, wait! I didn't make anything bc I have to go to the store later. So I thought it'd be best to order a pizza." The brunet drawled. Apparently, the others disagreed. The Galra prince whirled around, his white hair flowing gracefully, "I object to that!" 

"How about we whip something up?" Keith added. Lotor apparently liked that idea more and clasped his hands together, smirking in satisfaction. "Love, you just sit in the living room. While red and I create something exquisite."

"...like a Hotpocket?" The raven blurted in the distance.

The Galra prince swiveled around, eyes gleaming manically, and loomed over his raven haired lover. "My God, you're a genius."

And with that, Keith grabbed Lotor's hand and they made their way to the pantry.

Meanwhile, Lance has several Vietnam flashbacks about when they get the inspiration to cook. He sighed and picked up the fire extinguisher, already knowing full well of what will happen. "I just hope the neighbors don't call the bomb squad again."  _They were only trying to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, but apparently it was so horrendous, it had to be categorized as an eldritch horror._

-

The brunet ordered a pizza further in advance. He feared he would have to send in a search team.  _They have been in there for a while anyways._

He paused the movie, picked up the fire extinguisher and trudged to the kitchen.

Several things were wrong, the moment he poked his head in. First, Lotor had Keith atop the counter and they were currently engaged in the hottest make-out session to date. Second, there was a can of soup floating in boiling water.  _No surprise._

Lance turned off the stove and set the pizza box on the table. "Alrighty, let's move this to the couch, yeah?"

> Later, found Lotor thrusting into Lance, while the brunet was sucking off Keith. Both dominants murmuring poisonous encouragements to their precious submissive.

_So this is the meaning of life,_ Lance stupidly concluded.

+

 

**Author's Note:**

> I said i hate voltron


End file.
